CraigJustCraig

Tag: writing

  • Embodied Rituals

    Not all kink is equal.

    Some of it is performance.

    The hitting of beats. The following of scripts. The meticulous choreography of boxes to check.
    It can be hot. It can be filthy. It can be fun, even theatrical. But it is a stage. And the stage does not hunger.

    Other kink is alive. It is embodied. Rooted in want. Saturated with presence. Hungry—not for the kink, but for you. Your body, your being, your vulnerability.

    Performative kink can burn the skin. But embodied kink scorches the soul.

    It makes you feel chosen. Desired. Unfolding in the heat of someone else’s craving. It is a hunger that scripts cannot imitate.

    I have been fetishized. Revered. Placed on pedestals and props.
    I could feel the roles being enacted, the taboos being performed, but the desire? Missing. Absent.

    It was “stunt cock” energy: my body present, my touch real, my skill undeniable—but never devoured, never wanted. I was a mirror, a vessel, a necessary instrument in another’s story.
    The scene was precise. The intensity, unfiltered. And yet… hollow.

    Connection is not desire. Safety is not craving. Respect is not want.
    Love can exist. Curiosity can abound. But if someone does not ache for you, the kink is empty, no matter the brilliance of the performance.

    Then there are other moments.
    When hands grab me not to pose, but because they cannot resist.
    When teeth claim me like a ripe fruit split open.
    When mouths trail my flesh and whisper, “I want all of this.”

    This is not performance. This is possession.

    When the belly is kissed without hesitation.
    When hands press into softness—not as compromise, but as craving.
    When touch is reverence, and reverence is hunger.
    This is kink becoming revelation.

    desire is never guaranteed.

    Connection can be given. Curiosity can be shown. But being wanted, truly wanted, is rare—a cosmic accident.
    Many have loved me. Many have respected me. Few have unraveled me. Few have made undressing me feel like a privilege, not a given.

    When it happens, when desire flows through the kink, it is a high that lingers:
    After the ropes fall. After the body relaxes.
    The hunger remains. In them. In me.

    This is the difference. Not performing fantasy—but being the fantasy.

    Performative kink can leave bruises and satisfaction.
    It can leave breathless bodies and flushed skin.
    But it also leaves an emptiness: a quiet knowing that you were instrument, not object of desire.

    Embodied kink hits differently.
    It is personal, not just physical. It feels like being chosen.
    The hands on you speak in your language, not the language of the act.
    It is not what they want to do—it is who they want to do it to.
    You. Fully. Nakedly. Unavoidably.

    For me, this is seismic.

    In scenes of performance, I was the faceless one:
    The skilled instrument. The body delivering pleasure. The actor in someone else’s story.
    Emotionally invested, yes. Connected, yes. But the desire was not for me. Only for what I could produce.

    Connection is not desire. It never guarantees want.
    I was present, essential, appreciated—but not held. Not craved. Not devoured.

    Embodied kink rewrites that truth.

    It tells me: you are wanted. Not just used. Not just admired. Not just consented to. Wanted.

    As someone aromantic, romance rarely ignites me. Attachment rarely lands.
    But desire—raw, pulsing, unfiltered—lights me on fire.
    It bypasses calculation, masks, mirrors, and analysis.
    It forces me to feel, not observe.

    Embodied kink grounds me:
    In my body. In my breath. In my skin.
    It is intimacy sharper than any love.
    It is hunger, attention, recognition, and surrender all at once.

    Now, I do not seek mere kink.
    I crave kink saturated with desire.
    Roles are sacred, yes—but they are held in want, in need, in uncontainable hunger.
    I want to be chosen. I want to be craved.

    Because what moves me most is not skillful execution.
    Not the scene perfectly done.
    It is being wanted while I play the role.
    Not the stage. Not the script. Not the story. Me.

  • If You Want to Change the World, You’ve Got To Tell a Better Story

    People live by stories.
    Not fairy tales — scripts. Spells. Programs.

    Every culture runs on myth,
    a code written so deep you forget it’s there.

    you have heard this myth:
    pain is holy, pleasure is sin.

    you still drinks from that poisoned well

    pretending to despise indulgence. But

    fast food, sex , and dopamine. are all right!
    That’s not pleasure. That’s slavery

    you cannot kill a story without replacing it.

    Shatter the old script, and watch them grasping for anything that gives them belonging,

    You want to change

    Don’t argue. Don’t beg.
    Don’t drown people in facts.

    Tell them a story worth listening to

    This is the art of fucking with reality.
    Magick is nothing but story weaponized.
    Belief as technology.
    Identity as wet clay.
    You mold it. You break it.
    You fuck it into existence.

    The old myths told you your body is dirty.
    That desire is dangerous.
    That submission is weakness.
    I tell you the opposite:

    Your body is altar.
    Your desire is compass.
    Your submission is freedom.

    You are not chained by stories —
    you are the author.
    And if the story doesn’t liberate you,
    burn it. Rewrite it. Birth your own myth.

    This is not safe work.
    This is not polite.
    This is shadow-dancing, taboo-breaking,
    villain-level work.

    But if you dare —
    if you stop parroting what they said

    if you let yourself be corrupted into freedom —
    you will see the truth:

    Culture is not facts.
    It is not rules.

    It is story.

    So tell a better one.
    Live a better one.
    Enact a better one.

    That is how you change the world.

    And I?
    I am here to give you the dangerous story,
    the story where darkness is holy,
    pleasure is sacred,
    bondage is freedom,
    and you —
    yes, you —
    are god now.

  • Needs vs Strategies

    Needs vs Strategies

    Needs vs. Strategies
    Part I: The Problem – Alienation from Ourselves

    Today I want to talk about three books and why they helped me describe a topic I have been extremely passionate about: The Art of Love, Nonviolent Communication, and The Body Keeps the Score. The topic is Needs vs. Strategies.

    What do I mean by that?

    Strategies are requests, desires, wants, and “solutions” to specific actions by specific people. Needs, on the other hand, contain no reference to any particular action; they exist regardless of who or what is available. Some examples of needs are rest, understanding, support, honesty, and meaning.

    This topic is so fundamentally hard to talk about, but it transforms everything. I am going to attempt to codify my understanding through this writing. Why? Because strategies disconnect us from our needs.

    Stop right there. Some of us can’t even name our needs. We live outside ourselves—and by that I mean we live on external directives rather than from our internal knowledge and needs. We become alienated from our natural state.

    All criticism, attack, insults, and judgments are the result of our attention being focused on classifying, analyzing, and determining levels. Our thinking becomes centered on dehumanizing one another with labels and judgments. Judgments, criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs.

    But everything would change if we listened to the feelings and needs behind the message.

    Part II: Trauma, Survival, and Strategies

    We have an estrangement from feelings and get stuck utilizing survival strategies to assert our needs. This is both an inability to connect with our needs and an inability to assume responsibility for our needs. We put all our energy into protecting ourselves, developing whatever survival strategies we can. We may repress our feelings; we may get furious and plot revenge. We may decide to become so powerful and successful that nobody can ever hurt us again.

    Many behaviors that are classified as psychiatric problems—including some obsessions, compulsions, and panic attacks, as well as most self-destructive behaviors—started out as strategies for self-protection.

    Biologically, we need to attach to someone. Whether that is a loving and caring someone or a distant, insensitive, rejecting, or abusive someone, we will develop some way to get our needs met. And when your source of survival is also your source of fear, you are stuck with “fright without solution.”

    In The Body Keeps the Score it says: “It is much more productive to see aggression or depression, arrogance or passivity as learned behaviors: somewhere along the line, the patient came to believe that he or she could survive only if he or she was tough, invisible, or absent, or that it was safer to give up.”

    These adaptations will continue until we feel safe and integrate all the parts of ourselves that are stuck fighting or warding off trauma. Coping takes its toll. For many, it is safer to hate themselves than to risk their relationship by expressing anger or acting out.

    They survive by denying, ignoring, and splitting off large chunks of reality: they forget, they suppress, they numb. They reconfigure their minds to live with the worst. They develop defensive strategies to help them survive.

    What is unknowable causes anxiety. People need the illusion that everything can be known. Even if in this illusion they are the most hated, it feels safer than the chaos of the unknown.

    Part III: Turning Inward – Naming Needs and Affirming Worth

    When we live away from our needs within ourselves, our lives become limited by external and alien perspectives, and we conform to the needs of a structure that is not based on our needs.

    But when we begin to live from within outward—in touch with the power within ourselves, and allowing that power to inform and illuminate our actions upon the world around us—then we begin to be responsible to ourselves.

    We begin to recognize our deepest feelings. We give up, out of necessity, being satisfied with suffering and self-negation, and with the numbness that so often seems like the only alternative. Our acts against oppression become integral with self, motivated and empowered from within.

    To refuse to be conscious of what we are feeling at any time, however comfortable that might seem, is to deny a large part of the experience and to allow ourselves to be reduced.

    It requires a concern to know not only external reality but also internal reality—the reality of my needs, feelings, aspirations, and motives—so that I am not a stranger or a mystery to myself. The feeling that joy and fulfillment are my natural birthright.

    Part IV: The Affirmations – Owning My Existence

    Once you’re able to say:

    I am not here on earth to live up to someone else’s expectations; my life belongs to me.

    Each person is the owner of his or her life; no one is here on earth to live up to my expectations.

    I have a right to exist.

    I am of high value to myself.

    I have a right to honor my needs and wants, to treat them as important.

    I am lovable.

    I am admirable.

    I will usually be liked and respected by the people I like and respect.

    I should deal with others fairly and justly, and others should deal with me fairly and justly.
    I deserve to be treated courteously and with respect by everyone.

    If people treat me discourteously or disrespectfully, it is a reflection on them, not on me. It is only a reflection on me if I accept their treatment of me as right.

    If someone I like does not return my feeling, it may be disappointing or even painful, but it is not a reflection on my personal worth.

    No other individual or group has the power to determine how I will think and feel about myself.

    I trust my mind.
    I see what I see and know what I know.
    I am better served by knowing what is true than by making myself “right” at the expense of the facts.
    If I persevere, I can understand the things I need to understand.

    The more conscious I am of that which bears on my interests, values, needs, and goals, the better my life will work.

    To remain effective, I need to keep expanding my knowledge; learning needs to be a way of life. The better I know and understand myself, the better the life I can create. Self-examination is an imperative of a fulfilled existence.

    At the most fundamental level, I am for myself.
    At the most fundamental level, I accept myself.

    Part V: Responsibility and Aloneness

    I accept the reality of my thoughts, even when I cannot endorse them and would not choose to act on them; I do not deny or disown them.
    I can accept my feelings and emotions without necessarily liking, approving of, or being controlled by them; I do not deny or disown them.
    I can accept that I have done what I have done, even when I regret or condemn it. I do not deny or disown my behavior.

    I accept that what I think, feel, or do is an expression of myself, at least in the moment it occurs. I am not bound by thoughts, feelings, or actions I cannot sanction, but neither do I evade their reality or pretend they are not mine.

    I accept the reality of my problems, but I am not defined by them. My problems are not my essence. My fear, pain, confusion, or mistakes are not my core.

    Once you own that:

    I am responsible for my existence.

    I am responsible for the achievement of my desires.

    I am responsible for my choices and actions.

    I am responsible for the level of consciousness I bring to my work and other activities.

    I am responsible for the level of consciousness I bring to my relationships.

    I am responsible for my behavior with other people—co-workers, associates, customers, spouse, children, friends.

    I am responsible for how I prioritize my time.

    I am responsible for the quality of my communications.

    I am responsible for my personal happiness.

    I am responsible for choosing or accepting the values by which I live.

    I am responsible for raising my self-esteem; no one else can give me self-esteem.

    In the ultimate sense, I accept my aloneness. That is, I accept that no one is coming to make my life right, or save me, or redeem my childhood, or rescue me from the consequences of my choices and actions. In specific issues, people may help me, but no one can take over primary responsibility for my existence. Just as no one else can breathe for me, no one else can take over any of my other basic life functions, such as earning the experience of self-efficacy and self-respect.

    Part VI: Healing, Neuroplasticity, and Self-Care

    In order to play, mate, and nurture , the brain needs to turn off its natural vigilance. We must identify strategies beyond denial or repression for navigating pleasure in relationship to others.

    Drop low-performing strategies and replace them with tested alternatives. Once I could name my needs, I became aware of my strategies—how I cope with the fear of my needs not being met.

    I learned to listen for feelings, to express my needs, to accept answers that I didn’t always want to hear. I learned to grow, to accept, to love, to be fulfilled.

    The most important job of the brain is to ensure our survival, even under the most miserable conditions. Everything else is secondary. Psychological problems occur when our internal signals don’t work, when our maps don’t lead us where we need to go, when we are too paralyzed to move, when our actions do not correspond to our needs, or when our relationships break down.

    The brain is formed in a “use-dependent manner.” This is another way of describing neuroplasticity, the relatively recent discovery that neurons that “fire together, wire together.” This creates the communal, spiritual, and historical contexts that shape our lives.

    As we begin to re-experience a visceral reconnection with the needs of our bodies, there is a brand new capacity to warmly love the self. We experience a new quality of authenticity in our caring, which redirects our attention to our health, our diets, our energy, and our time management. This enhanced care for the self arises spontaneously and naturally, not as a response to a “should.”

    We are able to experience an immediate and intrinsic pleasure in self-care. The body needs to be restored to a baseline state of safety and relaxation from which it can mobilize to take action in response to real danger. Building up internal resources fosters safe access to sensations and emotions. Feeling the pleasure of taking effective action restores a sense of agency and a sense of being able to actively defend and protect ourselves.

    Part VII: The Call – From Survival to Liberation

    When we don’t know how to directly and clearly express what we need, we make analyses. Criticism and diagnosis get in the way. Pain can get in the way of our ability to hear clearly.

    Translate any message into an expression of a need. Understand the pain.

  • Passing Out

    First, a word of clarity: I’m not a doctor, and this is not medical advice. If you faint in ways you can’t explain, go see a physician or medical professional.

    Now, let’s talk about it.

    Have you ever stood up too fast and felt the whole world shift beneath your feet? A dizzy spell, black creeping in at the edges of your vision—like an old tube TV flickering out. Maybe your body suddenly buckled, even collapsed. It can happen in rope too, and let me tell you—it’s scary as hell.

    Your circulatory system is complex, and one of its jobs is to maintain equilibrium throughout your body. To do this, it regulates pressure through vasoconstriction and vasodilation, among other mechanisms. There are many other factors that play a role too: temperature, body weight, hydration levels, drugs, exhaustion, and more.

    Your circulatory system is designed to adjust to keep you balanced. But sudden shifts can cause the body to overcompensate. And if your brain isn’t getting enough blood flow—it lights out.

    Now let’s apply that to rope. Rope messes with blood flow. Obviously. Tight bindings or certain suspensions can trap blood in parts of the body. When those ropes come off, all that blood suddenly rushes back into circulation. Add gravity and fast transitions, and you’ve got the perfect recipe for fainting.

    Fainting isn’t always about pain tolerance, intensity, or emotions (though those can absolutely play a part). Often, it’s about circulation and how quickly the body is forced to adjust.

    Things that make fainting more likely:

    • Standing up too fast
    • Dehydration
    • Skipped meals
    • Heat
    • Exhaustion
    • Low blood pressure or high blood pressure
    • Vasodilators like alcohol
    • Vasoconstrictors like caffeine
    • Certain medical conditions
    • Coming out of rope too fast
    • Going from horizontal to upright too quickly

    So what do you do?

    Transition slowly and intentionally. Don’t skip meals or water. Expect fainting—it doesn’t always mean something went wrong. Rope stresses the body. Fainting is one of the ways the body protects itself.

    Trust the early signals and evacuate early. Your body gives you signs: tightness of breath, profuse sweating, too much spit in your mouth, slight ringing in your ears, a creeping sense of disconnection or dissociation, or just a general feeling of wrongness. Don’t push yourself. Listen.


    And if it happens: Don’t panic. Passing out is scary, but panic makes it worse. Be honest—if you’ve fainted before, it will probably happen again, so adapt accordingly. If you feel the signs coming on, say something. Take a seat. Get water. Cool down. Come out of the rope slowly. Get fresh air. Eat some sugar. Take a pause.

    Don’t let fear cement itself. When you’re ready, try again—slowly and intentionally.

    Passing out is not uncommon. And it’s not always physical. It can also be triggered by psychological stress—called vasovagal syncope. This can come from trauma, emotions, or your body’s response to the situation, feelings, your conscious reaction to your subjective experience of your emotions, trust, uncertainty, lack of safety, or care. Sometimes fainting acts as a psychic wall —to shutdown, shield or reset that protects the body.

    Understanding why helps you prepare for when it happens and respond better next time.

  • Erase the Word, Reclaim the World

    A recent comment sent me this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBkbyrlUE3M. It reminded me of something I have yet to write—the power of words. Words are sigils. Most people don’t see it. Most people never read past the surface. But words shape thoughts, and thoughts shape reality. Control the words, and you control the world: perception, desire, belief. Words codifies a worldview and erases others. Words are not neutral. They carry beliefs that we inherit.

    Look closer at the words you think. re those words in your own voice? Did you know your internal voice makes no sound? Those words were handed to you with frameworks, definitions, and concepts attached and you never questioned them. Did you think it was weird when you first heard words like grandrising or innerstanding? Did you ignore it? Did you even hear it at all? Why? Was it because it conflicted with your worldview and your automatic response ? Did it even take a second for you to dismiss it? That is because those beliefs are not your own.

    Language doesn’t just label reality—it writes it. God. Nature. Civilization. Progress. Every term carries a judgment, a hierarchy, a worldview. “Nature” became something to dominate, not to inhabit. “Progress” became expansion, conquest, abstraction over community. Words encode assumptions. They carry power. This is how sigils work. It’s structural. it deliberate strategy. Remove the words, and remove entire ways of knowing .

    The more you understand language, the less you need it. Words are metaphors. They point, but they cannot contain. Yet we forget. We adopt terms, concepts, and hand over our power. To think freely, you must first see how your beliefs are scaffolded on words you never chose. Erase the word. Reclaim the concept. Rebuild thought from a place of spiritual clarity, ancestral insight, and conscious choice.

  • Step Into the Fire, its warm

    Fine. Make me your villain.
    You could have walked away, but you stayed. You screamed. You dragged a crowd to watch me fall—now you’ll watch me rise.

    I’m a sadist. I deal in fear, pain, pleasure, and surrender. I’m dark, heavy, and dangerous. I don’t hide that. I don’t it dress up. And I don’t care if you approve.

    You want safe and cute? Leave .
    You want truth?Come .

    your comfort doesn’t matter. the crowd cant’ save you. When you’re shallow, dishonest, and unprepared, you wont make it

    You wanted the fire? Now burn.

  • “Exploring Sensory Deprivation: Unlocking the Healing Power of Intentional Kink Modalities”

    im going to pull a quotes for this a build my point from them the first one is: ” Jung’s says “Until you make the unconscious, con
    scious, it will rule your life and you will call it Fate” which means that
    your unconscious desires and curiosities have great power to
    shape your experience. “

    This is tricky:Because, these deep desires and curiosities are unknown and unconscious (meaning: you are not knowingly aware of them, so they do not seem like they are
    yours at all!). Yet these taboo, disowned, and repressed desires get fulfilled in your life. because these taboo desires have been disowned and repressed, you
    won’t recognize their fulfillments as fulfillments. you see them as calamities.

    There are 7 axiom to practice sacred kink/ intentional kink these are:

    • Having is evidence of wanting
    • We have a choice as to whether we experience sensation as pleasure or pain
    • It’s possible to get off on every “stroke,” and every happening in life is a “stroke”
    • The degree of being “turned off” or “turned on” is a factor of approval
    • Desire evolves through fulfillment, not denial and repression
    • Shame is the Magic Killer
    • The truth is sensationa

    The largest most powerful part of practicing intentioal kink is that you hold the power to change your mind, im going to quote 2 different things here but the oddly end up saying the same thing from two different source one medical the other mystical. the first on comes from urban tanta “Every thought you think is creating your future. … A basic premise of Tantra is self-acceptance. Another is self-love. With these, you can create or change anything in your life. Your mind is either your most powerful ally or your worst enemy. The choice is yours.

    How do you wish to use your mind?

    What is it you want in your life and in your sex?

    Will the thought you’ll think when you look up from this page be something you want to see happen in your life?

    Get clear on what you really want and start talking and acting like it already exists, because on some level it already does; it just may not have fully manifested yet. The thoughts you think today create your tomorrow—so when tomorrow comes, would you rather be greeted with your fondest dream or your worst nightmare?” and the next quote comes from the body keeps the score here is states the very real phenomenon about being ADDICTED TO TRAUMA: THE PAIN OF PLEASURE AND THE PLEASURE OF PAIN how Fear and aversion, in some perverse way, can be transformed into pleasure. hypothesized that endorphins—the morphinelike chemicals that the brain secretes in response to stress—play a role in the paradoxical addictions okay not the quote sorry really love this book should really be a must read but “The neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux and his colleagues have shown that the only way we can consciously access the emotional brain is through self-awareness, i.e. by activating the medial prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that notices what is going on inside us and thus allows us to feel what we’re feeling.5 (The technical term for this is “interoception”—Latin for “looking inside.”) Most of our conscious brain is dedicated to focusing on the outside world: getting along with others and making plans for the future. However, that does not help us manage ourselves. Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.”

    and here is where im going with all this this intentional kink allows us to have soul deep level acceptance of our situation, our perception, our reality, and simply accept it love it actually get off on it this allows us to repair the alarm systems of our body and restore our somatic self to its ordinary job of being a presence that takes care of the housekeeping of the body,mind and soul ensuring that you eat, sleep, connect , protect, and defend

    Sacred Kink/intentional kink is an awareness of sexuality for exploring spirituality and energy. Though it may come in the forms of play, sensual exploration, and bliss, this is the work of our souls. What is important is access to an altered state of consciousness, why we go into them, and what we do once we are there. okay another quote from dossie new topping book “..play directed to the purpose of attaining altered states of consciousness, of traveling beyond our habitual perceptual screens to another way of being in which everything becomes special, extraordinary, brilliant. Goals for such a scene might be a quest for guidance, or a vision, the pursuit of personal truth or understanding, or the experience of spiritual communion” these tools provide an opportunity to tap into routes for self-focus, self-expression, and connecting with ourselves and others.

    okay lets talk about the intentional kink/sacred kink modalities in healing there are alot. like ALOT. like the oldest tools for shamanic and trance practices worldwide. and while i would love to give a exhaustive list im going to settle for one list the 8 fold path: you know the drill by now another quote

    “Eight stories. Eight life moments. Eight journeys towards beauty, change, manifestation, catharsis—towards the limitless. These eight erotic adventures will create a roadmap of exploration, uncertainty, truth, hope, desire and passion. A roadmap that might give insight to your own journeys from the past, or your own journeys ahead.

    The Path of Rhythm: Dancing Into the Infinite Beat
    I close my eyes and dance. The rhythmic music pumps my body back and forth between 2,000 leather clad bodies, sweat pouring over our hides and the hides of what encases our forms. I can hear the beat of the music in my breath. I can feel it in my pulse and I dance. My boots hold me firm on the ground and my hips sway, my lips part, making love to an unseen force. I grab hold of the Boy, my Boy, in front of me. I begin drumming my hands against his leather vest, the hide under my fingertips, and he grunts in time with the music, pushes back in time with the music, trances out with me into the music… and we fly.

    The Ordeal Path: Trials of Rope and Balance
    She looks at me defiantly, but I can see her fear just on the other side of that sternness. Suspension lines locked off, I pull one foot up in the air. Her toes brush against my breasts and she is tethered to the ceiling by the ropes on the back of her chest harness and by her thigh. For the first five minutes she is fine, until the foot on the ground cramps up. By the end of 35 minutes she will be screaming. By the end of an hour she will be sobbing and broken—facing the demons she came here today to look at. I hold the space and I wait.

    The Path of Flesh: Embracing Skin and Desire
    He growls at me and I growl back. The single tail isn’t an ordeal for me, because it brings me here and now, because I need it, want it, long for it. The lash is my lover and I can feel it lick me open and bring me back from the emptiness I fill myself with to survive the day job. I am decadence reflected, I am glistening, I am hungry as the blood pours down and I beg for more. My feral lust echoes back to him with every touch of its pain and I can feel myself opening up not to him but to myself. Looking within I can see all of the reasons I am the way I am and I love myself for it. This is not a test, this is love, and I love myself in this, I love the world in this, I am the world in this.

    The Path of Ritual: Into the Ceremonies of Life
    Each morning I wake and do as my Mistress has commanded. I lay out my clothes on the bed and while still nude, prostrate myself before the image of her that lives on my altar. She is my Goddess, my inspiration, and I repeat the mantra of her name and my place in her life. I am her Slave, her thing, her property. I say all her holy names and remind myself of my place in her life as I lift the collar to my neck, lock it on, and look in the mirror next to her image. I see myself in her collar, know I am in her collar, and begin to touch myself as she commanded. I cum in her honor, as I always cum in her honor, and in that space between tension and release, I catch myself in the mirror, feel the collar, and can feel the divine in this truth.

    The Path of Breath: Inhaling Our Potential
    “Hold.” Their voice is sensual and still as I sit before them and they kiss my lips and then say, “Release.” Ze sucks in my air between tender lips and breathes it back to me in time. Our bodies rock back and forth into one another, me into them with each breath out, they into me as I breathe zir back in. We become a single circuit. We are a single circuit. Ze locks eyes with me again and adds noise to each breath, pumping me higher and more acutely into zir, feeling zir hunger against mine, feeling zir in me at each push of oxygen. I am high, and the world floats away.

    The Path of the Horse: Riding Into the Storm
    He called and said he needed to feel divine wrath. I will not be myself tonight. I will become the vessel to hold his pain, to give him space to atone. Black lace and silk wrap around my form, knee high boots, and a mask slips in place moments before he knocks on the door. I slip into the back seat of my own soul and watch as SHE comes forward, watch as SHE has him crawl inside, and am inspired as I know, together, SHE and I will create an evening he will never forget.

    The Path of Asceticism: The Call of Erotic Monasticism
    It never comes all at once. I find myself in the quiet places when others sleep. Universal truth slips out as I’m washing the dishes or licking his boots. Sleeping on a pallet at the end of his bed, wearing what he requires, following his rules—this is the order of things. I become his nun. I wake at the same time each day, bathe in the same way, act according to his rules—and with my mind stilled of gibberish, I find calm, and in the calm, understanding.

    The Path of Sacred Plants: Consuming Our Fate
    On my knees, my coven stands around me and the Priest opens up the tin to reveal what is inside. I close my eyes—I have the right to say no, to not go on this journey that we planned months ago, but I know that in the safety of this circle that this is what I need. I keep closing myself off, keep stopping short, and having negotiated this I am ready. Hand to mushroom to lips and I begin with bowing before each of them, thanking each of them, as the music begins and their hands slowly descend onto my body.”

    okay to so let me recap for a sec and tie lol this together really quick so i have previsously talked about the 16 rules tthis basically says your always doing magic whether you like our not, this says you definitely like it you little freak and your getting off on it. we also talked about “What cannot be communicated to the others cannot be communicated to the self. If you cannot tolerate what you know or feel what you feel, the only option is denial and dissociation. Maybe the most devastating long-term effect of this shutdown is not feeling real inside,” so here is the healing aspect right we need to be able to feel what we feel and know what know or your magic will litteral make YOU cease to exist!!!! bell hooks talks alot about this condition but im going use a quote from erich fromm that also mentions this condition “it is important to avoid bad company. By bad company I do not refer only to people who are vicious and destructive; one should avoid their company because their orbit is poisonous and depressing. I mean also the company of zombies, of people whose soul is dead, although their body is alive; of people whose thoughts and conversation are trivial; who chatter instead of talk, and who assert cliche opinions instead of thinking.” these people are also magical they just have lost control of their magic and have given control over to some one else these people are dangerous unstable and these are the people in most need of healing. so we talking about that and the living dead now we need talk about the power of culture, or idealogy, mythoform, and mythogolog but that ill need its on post all together but what i will say here is that. as we have seen how importent our mind is, our words are, our thoughts are, so is the stories we tell ourselves, the fantasy we keep, the media we consume the belief we hold all of it i will one day talk about yurugu and how that is the last piece in the magical practice and until you what divides you you can never finish the first step of the great alchemy,

  • Do Nothing

    Sometimes I think about weird things all the time and prompted by the weirder things still. Recently, I was talking to a friend and I asked them what were they doing, and they replied, “Nothing.” That set me off for some reason. I have friends that seem to always be doing nothing even when they are clearly doing something. Then I started to wonder—why are we so encouraged to do nothing?

    I thought doing nothing is our rest, but rest is our rest. Rest is an action, just like nothing is an action. Then I wondered, who benefits from us doing nothing? Obviously, it’s us—but really? Do we benefit from nothing? No. Well, then I thought no one benefits from nothing. And I thought that again is not true—all the people that would much rather you do nothing would definitely want you doing that than anything that could possibly hinder their objective or agenda.

    This led to a series of thoughts and ideas till I got to: action comes from ideas, and ideas are not always our own. Ideas are not forced onto us. They don’t have to. Persuasion often works through cues we barely register. Things are phrased the way they are phrased because it’s a nudge to point you into a given direction. The more your perspective widens, the more you realize you have no clue what is actually happening around you and how your perception is just a series of filters that shape your possible thoughts and narrow your inside reality.

    Ideas take root in your mind whether you want them to or even notice it. They live inside our minds and wait for you to water the seeds. Our culture is amused by distraction. We talk at each other. We entertain one another, but we can no longer challenge one another. We cannot be allowed nuance in our rigid reality. We no longer talk to each other because we’re all wearing team jerseys. We no longer exchange ideas, we exchange the illusion. We are fed a constant stream of information designed for you to take no action at all. Our stories are stripped of implication, leaving us with inescapable anxiety.

    Our inaction is a tactical decision designed to get you to look no further, think no deeper, and feel no longer. Grow comfortable with nothing. This is the perfection of slavery, because while you give and consume, the very key to your freedom is hidden in plain sight.

    This brings me back to Yurugu again and again—our worldview is shaped by so little, and it feels so natural. We never resist what we never see. So we continue to do nothing at all.

  • We Forgot How to Be Real

    I’m not trying to be mean. I’m not here to hurt anybody’s feelings. But somebody’s gotta say it — a lot of us aren’t real anymore. Not really.

    We’ve become slogans. Talking points. Hashtags. We’ve wrapped ourselves so tightly in the cloth of ideology that we’ve forgotten how to be people. Not activists, not archetypes, not “representations” — people. I’m not talking about politics here, not really. I’m talking about the erosion of soul in favor of a curated identity.

    I meet someone and instead of Bob or Susan, I’m introduced to a checklist. “I’m a queer, trans, Black, anti-capitalist feminist.” Or “I’m a proud white libertarian Christian.” And that’s it. That’s the intro, the middle, and the end. No room for contradiction, for complexity, for curiosity. Just one long sentence with a period stamped on the end like a warning sign: Do Not Question.

    And when you do try to ask something deeper? You get canned answers, like you triggered the wrong part of a flowchart. Not “let me think about that.” Not “I’m not sure.” Just a regurgitated article, a preloaded defense, or worse — silence followed by distance.

    Where did we go?

    Where’s the part of us that used to hunger for connection and not just agreement? When did winning the conversation become more important than being in it?

    We have brought identity politics into everything we do, and while yes, identity matters — we forgot that people are more than their politics. More than their trauma. More than their aesthetics. And when we make identity the only lens, we stop listening. We stop seeing. We stop being curious. It’s like we’re all standing on podiums yelling bullet points at each other instead of sitting down and learning how to live with one another.

    And I get it. The world is terrifying and messy. Simplicity feels safe. Certainty feels like safety. But what we’re calling safety is just a padded cell of groupthink. No questions allowed. No nuance allowed. No discomfort allowed. No realness allowed.

    Some of us are so out of touch with ourselves that we can’t even ask ourselves questions. That’s the saddest part. If you can’t turn inward and say, “Do I still believe this?” or “What am I afraid of?” or even just “What do I need today?” — you’re not free. You’re not awake. You’re following a script and pretending it’s a personality.

    And we’re losing everything because of it.

    We lost love — because love requires vulnerability and contradiction.
    We lost spirituality — because that requires surrender and wonder, not certainty.
    We lost homes — because everything is politicized, even our doorways.
    We lost family — because nuance died, and with it, compassion.
    We lost community — because listening was replaced with sorting: “You’re in. You’re out.”
    We lost self — because if you are only what you believe, what happens when your beliefs shift?

    And we are still losing more.

    We’ve mistaken performance for purpose we see it with faceless accounts online. We’ve mistaken being right for being real. And in doing so, we’ve made ourselves emotionally, socially, spiritually homeless.

    And yes — the media feeds this. The internet thrives on digestible characters and simplified stories. It encourages this flattening. It wants you to say, “I read the first paragraph, I know all I need to know.” It wants you to scroll, not sit. Swipe, not see.

    But we don’t have to keep playing the game.

    You can step back. You can stop reading your identity like a resume. You can stop policing every word for alignment with your brand. You can be messy. You can be wrong. You can be real. You can say, “I don’t know.” You can say, “That hurts.” You can say, “I changed.” You can be more than the talking points.

    Because if we don’t reclaim our humanness, we are going to lose everything that makes life worth living. The joy. The mystery. The awkwardness. The tension. The moments where you look someone in the eyes and realize, Oh. You’re a whole world.

    So this is your invitation — to be a whole world again.

    Not a headline.
    Not a hashtag.
    Not a symbol.

    Just you. Messy, contradictory, curious, breathing you.

    Let’s bring that back. Before it’s too late.

  • Sometimes Leaders Make It Worse

    the ones meant to protect—end up causing even more damage.

    So let’s talk about it.

    Let’s talk about the fact that, in a lot of cases, it’s not random community members who are fumbling the ball—it’s the leaders. And when they fumble, it’s not a dropped ball. It’s people’s lives.

    We’ve all heard it before: “Listen to the victim.”
    Sounds good. Feels right. But what happens when the people we’re supposed to turn to were never trained to hold those stories? What happens when leadership is built on logistics, not care? When someone can throw a good party, but can’t hold space for someone’s pain?

    most leaders didn’t sign up to be therapists, mediators, or emergency responders. They signed up to run events. To teach classes. To build spaces. And over time, the community starts expecting them to do more , make decisions, take sides.

    But many of them aren’t ready. when someone unprepared tries to carry something that heavy, people get crushed underneath.

    Right now, we’ve got “leaders” who don’t listen. Who jump to conclusions before even sitting down with the people involved.

    Who ban folks from learning or growing. Who confuse neutrality with silence, and silence with safety. Who perform justice publicly, not to repair, but to prove something—to their peers, their audiences, or their egos.

    Some of it’s ignorance. Some of it’s pressure. Some of it is absolutely intentional.

    Being an event host doesn’t make you qualified to handle trauma.
    It means you had the time and energy to plan something. That’s it. That’s not a credential. That’s not a qualification.

    But because people don’t know where else to go, they go to the ones with the mic or the clipboard. And when those people aren’t trained or supported, they end up hurting the very people they claim to care about.

    Worse—some leaders are scared.
    Scared of being sued. Scared of losing clout. Scared of losing access to their favorite violators. And so they scramble. They cover their asses. They ignore the problem or slap a band-aid on a bullet wound.

    I’ve seen leaders spread misinformation.
    I’ve seen them silence people.
    I’ve seen them protect abusers, ostracize victims, escalate situations, and weaponize their influence like a damn sword.

    They say they care, but what they really care about is control.

    They call it safety.
    But it’s safety for them, not for the people who are hurting.

    Let’s be real. Not all leaders are built the same.

    Some want the title. Some want the power.
    But some actually want to be of service—and they’ve done the work.

    leaders ask questions. They pause.
    They know that gossip is not truth.
    They understand that harm and healing are complex.
    They’re not scared to admit when they’re wrong.
    They make space—for the victim, for the context, for the process.

    They don’t just punish.
    They repair.
    They educate.
    They act with care, not spectacle.

    They don’t need to blast everything on the internet to prove they’re “doing something.” They do the work in quiet ways, and the community feels the difference. In those spaces, people aren’t walking on eggshells. They’re walking toward something better.

    Not Everyone Is Built like that

    that’s okay. Not everyone should be mediating conflicts.
    This isn’t about forcing people into roles they’re not built for.
    But if you’re not built for it—say that. Be honest.

    Don’t pretend you’ve got it covered while secretly ducking behind a wall of favoritism, silence, or shame.

    Most leaders are volunteers.
    And a lot of y’all are trying your best with no support and no backup. I get that.

    But that means we need to stop pretending that all leaders are qualified.
    We need to stop handing our deepest wounds to people just because they made a event.

    Questions to Sit With

    If you’re in leadership right now, ask yourself:

    • Who do you actually trust to hold your truth?
    • If someone disclosed harm to you tomorrow, would you know what to do?
    • Have you trained for that?
    • Do you have support for that?
    • Are you willing to hold that weight, or are you just hoping it never lands on your lap?

    And for the rest of us:

    • Are we vetting our leaders like we vet our play partners?
    • Are we asking the right questions?
    • Are we just assuming safety, or are we building it?

    This isn’t about blame. This is about maturity. About integrity.
    About knowing when to lead—and when to step aside.

    If this made you uncomfortable, that’s good. Sit with it. That discomfort might be the door to something

    Let’s stop letting fear dictate our leadership.

    Let’s stop mistaking silence for neutrality, and spectacle for justice.

    Let’s stop acting like harm is something we can ignore, manage, or gossip our way around.

    And let’s start asking the harder questions.