…breath that catches, through heat rising in the belly.
This time, she came whispering about needs versus strategies.
I didn’t recognize the difference at first. How easily we miss each other. like boats passing in the night. I’ve spent so long trying to survive that I blurred the line between the two. It’s subtle, but different strategies—like requests or desires—are about specifics. While needs? Needs are different. They’re universal truths we all carry.
“Your needs are not too much. And they are not the same as the strategies you use to fulfill them.”
For so long, I was confused.
I’d say: _Call me, see me, don’t leave me, change for me._
What I meant was: _I need connection. I need reassurance. I need to be seen._
But I didn’t have the language. I only had the longing, the shame—and I’d end up analyzing or criticizing.
“You’re selfish.”
“You never listen.”
I didn’t know I could just _name the need_.
So vulnerable. So exposed.
Not make someone responsible.
Not demand a script.
Just… that I have the right to say:
_I need care._
_I need respect._
_I need room._
Once I could name my needs, I became aware of my strategies—how I cope with the fear of my needs not being met.
They are the most human part of me.
When I lose sight of the truth, I trap myself. I stop seeing possibility.
It all comes back to this: Be here, now, with what’s real. That’s the gift.
I think about all the times .
“I didn’t know how to ask for…”
“I didn’t know how to say…”
“I didn’t know how to take ‘no’ as anything other than proof I was unworthy.”
It fucking sucks to learn this now—unseen, unspoken, unmet needs.
To realize: I was simply trying to survive.
That kind of shift—the one that doesn’t need to scream, that doesn’t collapse—it just _is_.
To name what you feel.
To honor what you need.
To ask.
And when I really get quiet and sit still, I feel it—that sense that our needs aren’t separate.
We all just want to be whole.