CraigJustCraig

Tag: mental-health

  • Erase the Word, Reclaim the World

    A recent comment sent me this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBkbyrlUE3M. It reminded me of something I have yet to write—the power of words. Words are sigils. Most people don’t see it. Most people never read past the surface. But words shape thoughts, and thoughts shape reality. Control the words, and you control the world: perception, desire, belief. Words codifies a worldview and erases others. Words are not neutral. They carry beliefs that we inherit.

    Look closer at the words you think. re those words in your own voice? Did you know your internal voice makes no sound? Those words were handed to you with frameworks, definitions, and concepts attached and you never questioned them. Did you think it was weird when you first heard words like grandrising or innerstanding? Did you ignore it? Did you even hear it at all? Why? Was it because it conflicted with your worldview and your automatic response ? Did it even take a second for you to dismiss it? That is because those beliefs are not your own.

    Language doesn’t just label reality—it writes it. God. Nature. Civilization. Progress. Every term carries a judgment, a hierarchy, a worldview. “Nature” became something to dominate, not to inhabit. “Progress” became expansion, conquest, abstraction over community. Words encode assumptions. They carry power. This is how sigils work. It’s structural. it deliberate strategy. Remove the words, and remove entire ways of knowing .

    The more you understand language, the less you need it. Words are metaphors. They point, but they cannot contain. Yet we forget. We adopt terms, concepts, and hand over our power. To think freely, you must first see how your beliefs are scaffolded on words you never chose. Erase the word. Reclaim the concept. Rebuild thought from a place of spiritual clarity, ancestral insight, and conscious choice.

  • Step Into the Fire, its warm

    Fine. Make me your villain.
    You could have walked away, but you stayed. You screamed. You dragged a crowd to watch me fall—now you’ll watch me rise.

    I’m a sadist. I deal in fear, pain, pleasure, and surrender. I’m dark, heavy, and dangerous. I don’t hide that. I don’t it dress up. And I don’t care if you approve.

    You want safe and cute? Leave .
    You want truth?Come .

    your comfort doesn’t matter. the crowd cant’ save you. When you’re shallow, dishonest, and unprepared, you wont make it

    You wanted the fire? Now burn.

  • Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg Review

    seriously this book is casting out spirits disguised as a communication manual.

    Marshall Rosenberg didn’t just hand me a tool, he handed me a mirror, and a scalpel. and said get to work.

    This book is not about how to “communicate better.” It’s about how to stop speaking like a colonizer. and how to stop letting the colonizer speak through you.

    This was a wake up call to how much of our everyday speech is laced with violence, shame, and guilt. This book really pulled back the veil of socially acceptable manipulation and all the ways we’ve learned to control, manipulate, and people.

    Most of what we call “communication” is a poorly disguised threat without even realizing it.

    Judgement, blame and guilt are expressions of our own unmet needs.””survival stragtegies” we us to avoid facing fact we dont know what we need and hoping someone else can figure it out for us.

    The book said “All criticism, attack, and insult vanish when we listen for feelings and needs.”

    How everytime you hear the word “should” or “I have to,” you’re handing your agency to the abyss. and saying Fuck it. you’re outsourcing your power. you’re kicking your inner child on your way out the door…. again

    When you been taught to that sacrifice = love, when actually… your just neglecting your needs and Wearing your pain like it’s a badge of honor.

    What sucked and was heard to swallow was “Nobody makes you feel anything.” The way I interpret what someone says or does is on me. “Anger isn’t about anyone else. It’s about your unmet needs.” see that one i need a minute ….

    “The difference between a request and a demand is what happens when someone says no.” Ouch. you see what i mean?

    This man said : “Depression is your reward, for being good.” like wtf!!!!!!!

    That we are taught to be good, be obedient, be productive, and above all be quiet your actual needs.

    What the real struggle is: Don’t label. Don’t judge. Just say what’s happening, say what you feel, say what you need, and clearly, concisly, ask. Language is a spell to liberate, not to control. Guilt, shame, blame? Just masks to avoid your needs.

    This book is not gentle. But it will help you grow.

    Rosenberg is calling for a revolution dismantling the internalized systems of domination that keep us distant from ourselves and each other. He teaches you how to get real and get in touch with your needs. He’s asking us to speak in a language of life. A language of need. A language of choice.

    And honestly? That shit slaps.
    Highly recommend

  • Review: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

    Before I get into the review, I want to lay some groundwork. I don’t choose books at random. Every book I pick, I do so with the hope that it will crucible for me—not just as a person, but as a mage, a prophet, and a healer.

    My background is… strange. I’m a former preacher, a former school teacher, and now a former research scientist. So I come to magick from three angles: as a member of a congregation, as a student, and as a research topic or research area.

    Here, my lab, my equipment, and my facilities is myself. In Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott, she states, “The truth is sensational.” Truth resonates—it has a feeling associated with it. That is my metric, those are my notes for further examination, and that is what I’m going to share with you.

    But also, while I will share that with you, I will also talk about two things: association and recollection. As the student, these are essential for my understanding, and I will bring up other books, other quotes, other authors, and other notes to help bring my point into focus.

    And finally, as an area of research and study, let me share my methodology for evaluation. Unlike Western culture, which calls for “scientific” backing to split reason from emotion, and reality is understood perceived and organized, in linear sequential relationships.

    I will use Marimba Ani’s Yurugu definition for study: knowing a subject involves knowing the surroundings. Knowledge involves immersion, and through sympathetic participation, meaning is revealed and understood as Symbols—these symbols—are the words I will share with you.

    I don’t usually talk about this, but because this book is something I’ve newly finished, I wanted to reinforce my ideas, beliefs, and practices with you.

    So let’s begin.

    Branden defines self-esteem as “the immune system of consciousness.” That stuck with me. He breaks it down into six practices: Living consciously, Self-acceptance, Self-responsibility, Self-assertiveness, Living purposefully. Personal integrity

    What came to mind in reading that was: your self-esteem is a credit card with unlimited funds, but that bitch will decline

    And while the tone of the book is undeniably Western—individualistic, capitalist, and sometimes awkwardly obsessed with Ayn Rand—I was surprised at how much of it aligned with magical theorems and esoteric principles. what came to mind as I read were these theorems:

    Theorem 1: All action is magickal.

    Theorem 2: Magick is not something you do; it’s something you are.

    Theorem 4: Creation on the spiritual plane leads to creation on the physical plane.

    Theorem 6: Let go—and let the magick work.

    Theorem 8: Magick is both a science and an art.

    Theorem 9: Magick is synergistic.

    Theorem 16: The sexual trance opens many doors.

    There’s a strong resonance between Branden’s core idea—that self-esteem is the backbone of conscious, embodied living—and the magical premise that alignment between mind, body, and spirit (or soma) is the first step in unlocking your true power.

    Branden writes that self-esteem is made up of two parts:

    Confidence in your ability handle challenge. AND Confidence in our right succeed.

    This reminded me of something else: Magick requires neither your understanding nor your consent. Like self-esteem, it simply does what you ask of it—whether consciously or unconsciously. And as Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it Fate.” or “As above, so below; as within, so without.”

    This is the first step, we must take: walk in one accord—mind, body, and soul: not rejecting or fragmenting any part of ourselves. That is the real beginning of a magical practice. That shit is hard believe me

    which lead into this quote “Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.” That is the first pillar of self esteem and bring to mind what is talked about it in the body keeps the score “feeling free to know what you know and to feel what you feel without becoming overwhelmed, enraged, ashamed, or collapsed.”
    But this is where the work begins he says that “Without self-acceptance, self-esteem is impossible.”, impossible not hard, not unlikely … impossible. Let that sit for a second. This fundemental key force to life is impossible to achieve without acceptance.

    Then he goes on to say self-acceptance is what an effective psychotherapist strives to awaken in a person this mirrors what The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk who says “Psychological problems occur when our internal signals don’t work, when our maps don’t lead us where we need to go, when we are too paralyzed to move, when our actions do not correspond to our needs, or when our relationships break down.” in other words ” realities we cannot avoid. Regardless of what we do or do not admit, we cannot be indifferent to our own self-evaluation. That our actions shape our self-esteem, and our self-esteem shapes our actions. That is magical causality. That is the “as within, so without.” Causation flows in both directions.

    Where I pushed back was the overemphasis on productivity, efficiency, and efficacy, The Western lens of radical individualism

    As a practitioner, my goal is to live congruently—body, mind, and spirit aligned in desire, and in purpose. Reading this book reminded me that esteem is not just a quality. It’s a magickal potential.

    I recommend this book—not as gospel, but as a tool. Take what resonates. Burn the rest.

    I’d love to hear what you’re thinking about it.

  • On time

    Magick is all about mythoform and mythology—the deep stories we tell that shape how we see and move through the world.

    One of the core myths we’ve inherited?
    That ever-present sinking feeling that we’re “wasting time.”
    I still feel trapped by it. Caught in an antagonistic system that breeds confusion, anxiety, and fear.
    That’s not an accident—it’s a built-in feature.

    “Where do these white people run to every morning? To their workplaces, of course. Why do they have to run to something that is not running away from them? They do not have time.”

    I had to say this word in French because there is no equivalent in the local language. The conversation came to a halt when the elder had to ask what this “time” is.
    (Malidoma Somé, Ritual: Power, Healing, and Community)

    Let that sink in.

    This isn’t just a philosophical take—this is about how myth (yes, even modern, “rational” cultures have them) is silently scripting our lives.
    Because “time” we’re so afraid of wasting—it doesn’t exist the way we were told.

    This is my second time coming across this.

    In Yurugu by Marimba Ani:

    “Time” in this view moves ceaselessly towards some point never reached in the “future.” This sense of telos (Greek for “end,” “purpose,” or “goal”) is an important aspect of European mythology—the stories a culture uses to explain the world, its origins, and the fundamental aspects of human existence.

    It gives meaning to European life.

    Yet the “future” creates more problems than it resolves. Ironically, this “future” is approached by the ever-present line of time through which the European seeks fulfillment, but at the same time assures her/him of never being fulfilled.

    The “future” represents unattainable perfection.
    It is an abstraction that is unreachable and, therefore, unknowable.
    And what is unknowable for the European causes anxiety.

    The European psyche needs the illusion of a rationally ordered universe in which everything can be known.

    A future that never comes.
    A perfection you never reach.
    A loop of anxiety, fear, and shame dressed up in suits, clocks, and productivity.

    And the gag is—this was all by design.

    European mythoform—the unconscious structural pattern shaping its worldview—creates an unknown and unknowable future whose only relationship to the past and present is that it determines them, but cannot be determined by them. This antagonistic situation causes emotional confusion, anxiety, and fear for the European.

    Yet this oppressive future cannot be avoided,
    Because the clock moves them toward it at an uncontrollable pace—
    Which seems to move faster and faster.

    All of this is an effect of the limitations of lineal, secular time.
    It is neither phenomenal nor sacred nor spiritual.
    Participants in the culture have only one recourse against the fear: Science (Purchasing of “insurance” a attempt to escape the fear.)

    They seek to relieve their anxiety by gaining control over what controls them. Failing, in the end, to find fulfillment. Because the European conception of science is above all secular, alienating, literate, rationalistic, and linear.

    This abstract and oppressive future continues to threaten, to intimidate, to frighten. They move inexorably toward it, a movement that imparts value (“progress”), and yet the perceived destiny is fear-producing.

    The European worldview doesn’t just teach this logic—
    It hides it beneath the illusion of being “universal.”
    Then turns around and sells that illusion to the rest of the world back to US

    The culture teaches its logic. It hands you its worldview.
    You absorb it, bury it, act on it—and forget it’s not truth, it’s programming.

    “Experts” dig that logic back up, slap a label on it, and sell it as universal truth.

    They present it with such authority—it can only be the only valid way to think.
    But what they’re really pushing is their assumed reality, dressed up as logic and objectivity.

    And because of the way it’s delivered, It gets imposed. Globalized.

    Meanwhile, its roots—Christian morality, Western value systems, white fear, capitalist logic—stay camouflaged under this fake-ass pseudouniversalism.

    It’s clever.
    It’s violent.
    And it keeps us divided.

    In a magickal practice, we don’t work with those stories—we create new ones.
    We bend time.
    Pause it.
    Let it circle back.
    Let it disappear.

    We can reclaim time, redefine time, and name our own rhythms.
    We can create moments that are timeless.
    This is the beauty of the path.

    The further I go, the more I realize this isn’t just about rope, or candles, or chants.
    It’s about epistemology.
    It’s about which stories get believed—and why.
    It’s about what we can do once we stop believing the lies.

    Because the mythoform of the dominant culture is designed to make you chase something you can never catch.
    It tells you time is linear, scarce, and slipping away.
    That if you’re not productive, you’re not valuable.
    That rest is lazy.
    That pleasure is dangerous.

    But we know better.
    This requires deep consideration of all the bullshit that’s been assumed.
    We remember who the fuck we are.
    We strip it.
    Burn it.
    Build Anew.

  • “Exploring Sensory Deprivation: Unlocking the Healing Power of Intentional Kink Modalities”

    im going to pull a quotes for this a build my point from them the first one is: ” Jung’s says “Until you make the unconscious, con
    scious, it will rule your life and you will call it Fate” which means that
    your unconscious desires and curiosities have great power to
    shape your experience. “

    This is tricky:Because, these deep desires and curiosities are unknown and unconscious (meaning: you are not knowingly aware of them, so they do not seem like they are
    yours at all!). Yet these taboo, disowned, and repressed desires get fulfilled in your life. because these taboo desires have been disowned and repressed, you
    won’t recognize their fulfillments as fulfillments. you see them as calamities.

    There are 7 axiom to practice sacred kink/ intentional kink these are:

    • Having is evidence of wanting
    • We have a choice as to whether we experience sensation as pleasure or pain
    • It’s possible to get off on every “stroke,” and every happening in life is a “stroke”
    • The degree of being “turned off” or “turned on” is a factor of approval
    • Desire evolves through fulfillment, not denial and repression
    • Shame is the Magic Killer
    • The truth is sensationa

    The largest most powerful part of practicing intentioal kink is that you hold the power to change your mind, im going to quote 2 different things here but the oddly end up saying the same thing from two different source one medical the other mystical. the first on comes from urban tanta “Every thought you think is creating your future. … A basic premise of Tantra is self-acceptance. Another is self-love. With these, you can create or change anything in your life. Your mind is either your most powerful ally or your worst enemy. The choice is yours.

    How do you wish to use your mind?

    What is it you want in your life and in your sex?

    Will the thought you’ll think when you look up from this page be something you want to see happen in your life?

    Get clear on what you really want and start talking and acting like it already exists, because on some level it already does; it just may not have fully manifested yet. The thoughts you think today create your tomorrow—so when tomorrow comes, would you rather be greeted with your fondest dream or your worst nightmare?” and the next quote comes from the body keeps the score here is states the very real phenomenon about being ADDICTED TO TRAUMA: THE PAIN OF PLEASURE AND THE PLEASURE OF PAIN how Fear and aversion, in some perverse way, can be transformed into pleasure. hypothesized that endorphins—the morphinelike chemicals that the brain secretes in response to stress—play a role in the paradoxical addictions okay not the quote sorry really love this book should really be a must read but “The neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux and his colleagues have shown that the only way we can consciously access the emotional brain is through self-awareness, i.e. by activating the medial prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that notices what is going on inside us and thus allows us to feel what we’re feeling.5 (The technical term for this is “interoception”—Latin for “looking inside.”) Most of our conscious brain is dedicated to focusing on the outside world: getting along with others and making plans for the future. However, that does not help us manage ourselves. Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.”

    and here is where im going with all this this intentional kink allows us to have soul deep level acceptance of our situation, our perception, our reality, and simply accept it love it actually get off on it this allows us to repair the alarm systems of our body and restore our somatic self to its ordinary job of being a presence that takes care of the housekeeping of the body,mind and soul ensuring that you eat, sleep, connect , protect, and defend

    Sacred Kink/intentional kink is an awareness of sexuality for exploring spirituality and energy. Though it may come in the forms of play, sensual exploration, and bliss, this is the work of our souls. What is important is access to an altered state of consciousness, why we go into them, and what we do once we are there. okay another quote from dossie new topping book “..play directed to the purpose of attaining altered states of consciousness, of traveling beyond our habitual perceptual screens to another way of being in which everything becomes special, extraordinary, brilliant. Goals for such a scene might be a quest for guidance, or a vision, the pursuit of personal truth or understanding, or the experience of spiritual communion” these tools provide an opportunity to tap into routes for self-focus, self-expression, and connecting with ourselves and others.

    okay lets talk about the intentional kink/sacred kink modalities in healing there are alot. like ALOT. like the oldest tools for shamanic and trance practices worldwide. and while i would love to give a exhaustive list im going to settle for one list the 8 fold path: you know the drill by now another quote

    “Eight stories. Eight life moments. Eight journeys towards beauty, change, manifestation, catharsis—towards the limitless. These eight erotic adventures will create a roadmap of exploration, uncertainty, truth, hope, desire and passion. A roadmap that might give insight to your own journeys from the past, or your own journeys ahead.

    The Path of Rhythm: Dancing Into the Infinite Beat
    I close my eyes and dance. The rhythmic music pumps my body back and forth between 2,000 leather clad bodies, sweat pouring over our hides and the hides of what encases our forms. I can hear the beat of the music in my breath. I can feel it in my pulse and I dance. My boots hold me firm on the ground and my hips sway, my lips part, making love to an unseen force. I grab hold of the Boy, my Boy, in front of me. I begin drumming my hands against his leather vest, the hide under my fingertips, and he grunts in time with the music, pushes back in time with the music, trances out with me into the music… and we fly.

    The Ordeal Path: Trials of Rope and Balance
    She looks at me defiantly, but I can see her fear just on the other side of that sternness. Suspension lines locked off, I pull one foot up in the air. Her toes brush against my breasts and she is tethered to the ceiling by the ropes on the back of her chest harness and by her thigh. For the first five minutes she is fine, until the foot on the ground cramps up. By the end of 35 minutes she will be screaming. By the end of an hour she will be sobbing and broken—facing the demons she came here today to look at. I hold the space and I wait.

    The Path of Flesh: Embracing Skin and Desire
    He growls at me and I growl back. The single tail isn’t an ordeal for me, because it brings me here and now, because I need it, want it, long for it. The lash is my lover and I can feel it lick me open and bring me back from the emptiness I fill myself with to survive the day job. I am decadence reflected, I am glistening, I am hungry as the blood pours down and I beg for more. My feral lust echoes back to him with every touch of its pain and I can feel myself opening up not to him but to myself. Looking within I can see all of the reasons I am the way I am and I love myself for it. This is not a test, this is love, and I love myself in this, I love the world in this, I am the world in this.

    The Path of Ritual: Into the Ceremonies of Life
    Each morning I wake and do as my Mistress has commanded. I lay out my clothes on the bed and while still nude, prostrate myself before the image of her that lives on my altar. She is my Goddess, my inspiration, and I repeat the mantra of her name and my place in her life. I am her Slave, her thing, her property. I say all her holy names and remind myself of my place in her life as I lift the collar to my neck, lock it on, and look in the mirror next to her image. I see myself in her collar, know I am in her collar, and begin to touch myself as she commanded. I cum in her honor, as I always cum in her honor, and in that space between tension and release, I catch myself in the mirror, feel the collar, and can feel the divine in this truth.

    The Path of Breath: Inhaling Our Potential
    “Hold.” Their voice is sensual and still as I sit before them and they kiss my lips and then say, “Release.” Ze sucks in my air between tender lips and breathes it back to me in time. Our bodies rock back and forth into one another, me into them with each breath out, they into me as I breathe zir back in. We become a single circuit. We are a single circuit. Ze locks eyes with me again and adds noise to each breath, pumping me higher and more acutely into zir, feeling zir hunger against mine, feeling zir in me at each push of oxygen. I am high, and the world floats away.

    The Path of the Horse: Riding Into the Storm
    He called and said he needed to feel divine wrath. I will not be myself tonight. I will become the vessel to hold his pain, to give him space to atone. Black lace and silk wrap around my form, knee high boots, and a mask slips in place moments before he knocks on the door. I slip into the back seat of my own soul and watch as SHE comes forward, watch as SHE has him crawl inside, and am inspired as I know, together, SHE and I will create an evening he will never forget.

    The Path of Asceticism: The Call of Erotic Monasticism
    It never comes all at once. I find myself in the quiet places when others sleep. Universal truth slips out as I’m washing the dishes or licking his boots. Sleeping on a pallet at the end of his bed, wearing what he requires, following his rules—this is the order of things. I become his nun. I wake at the same time each day, bathe in the same way, act according to his rules—and with my mind stilled of gibberish, I find calm, and in the calm, understanding.

    The Path of Sacred Plants: Consuming Our Fate
    On my knees, my coven stands around me and the Priest opens up the tin to reveal what is inside. I close my eyes—I have the right to say no, to not go on this journey that we planned months ago, but I know that in the safety of this circle that this is what I need. I keep closing myself off, keep stopping short, and having negotiated this I am ready. Hand to mushroom to lips and I begin with bowing before each of them, thanking each of them, as the music begins and their hands slowly descend onto my body.”

    okay to so let me recap for a sec and tie lol this together really quick so i have previsously talked about the 16 rules tthis basically says your always doing magic whether you like our not, this says you definitely like it you little freak and your getting off on it. we also talked about “What cannot be communicated to the others cannot be communicated to the self. If you cannot tolerate what you know or feel what you feel, the only option is denial and dissociation. Maybe the most devastating long-term effect of this shutdown is not feeling real inside,” so here is the healing aspect right we need to be able to feel what we feel and know what know or your magic will litteral make YOU cease to exist!!!! bell hooks talks alot about this condition but im going use a quote from erich fromm that also mentions this condition “it is important to avoid bad company. By bad company I do not refer only to people who are vicious and destructive; one should avoid their company because their orbit is poisonous and depressing. I mean also the company of zombies, of people whose soul is dead, although their body is alive; of people whose thoughts and conversation are trivial; who chatter instead of talk, and who assert cliche opinions instead of thinking.” these people are also magical they just have lost control of their magic and have given control over to some one else these people are dangerous unstable and these are the people in most need of healing. so we talking about that and the living dead now we need talk about the power of culture, or idealogy, mythoform, and mythogolog but that ill need its on post all together but what i will say here is that. as we have seen how importent our mind is, our words are, our thoughts are, so is the stories we tell ourselves, the fantasy we keep, the media we consume the belief we hold all of it i will one day talk about yurugu and how that is the last piece in the magical practice and until you what divides you you can never finish the first step of the great alchemy,

  • Do Nothing

    Sometimes I think about weird things all the time and prompted by the weirder things still. Recently, I was talking to a friend and I asked them what were they doing, and they replied, “Nothing.” That set me off for some reason. I have friends that seem to always be doing nothing even when they are clearly doing something. Then I started to wonder—why are we so encouraged to do nothing?

    I thought doing nothing is our rest, but rest is our rest. Rest is an action, just like nothing is an action. Then I wondered, who benefits from us doing nothing? Obviously, it’s us—but really? Do we benefit from nothing? No. Well, then I thought no one benefits from nothing. And I thought that again is not true—all the people that would much rather you do nothing would definitely want you doing that than anything that could possibly hinder their objective or agenda.

    This led to a series of thoughts and ideas till I got to: action comes from ideas, and ideas are not always our own. Ideas are not forced onto us. They don’t have to. Persuasion often works through cues we barely register. Things are phrased the way they are phrased because it’s a nudge to point you into a given direction. The more your perspective widens, the more you realize you have no clue what is actually happening around you and how your perception is just a series of filters that shape your possible thoughts and narrow your inside reality.

    Ideas take root in your mind whether you want them to or even notice it. They live inside our minds and wait for you to water the seeds. Our culture is amused by distraction. We talk at each other. We entertain one another, but we can no longer challenge one another. We cannot be allowed nuance in our rigid reality. We no longer talk to each other because we’re all wearing team jerseys. We no longer exchange ideas, we exchange the illusion. We are fed a constant stream of information designed for you to take no action at all. Our stories are stripped of implication, leaving us with inescapable anxiety.

    Our inaction is a tactical decision designed to get you to look no further, think no deeper, and feel no longer. Grow comfortable with nothing. This is the perfection of slavery, because while you give and consume, the very key to your freedom is hidden in plain sight.

    This brings me back to Yurugu again and again—our worldview is shaped by so little, and it feels so natural. We never resist what we never see. So we continue to do nothing at all.

  • Accountability is messy.

    Anyone who tells you it’s simple probably hasn’t lived through the complexity of it. The truth is, two people can live through the same exact moment and walk away with two completely different truths. And , both of them are real.

    harm doesn’t care about intent. It doesn’t wait for your perspective to catch up. And the second you start defending instead of listening, you close the door to the one thing that could have saved everyone: curiosity.

    we builds walls where bridges could’ve been.

    That lack of curiosity escalated everything.

    People’s feelings are real.
    Their pain is real.
    Even if it came from a misunderstanding.
    Even if it came from perception.
    Even if it came from something I didn’t know I did.

    When someone says they’re hurt by you, you have three choices:

    1. Get defensive.
    2. Get dismissive.
    3. Get curious.

    There are only a few possibilities when someone says you hurt them:

    • You did, whether you meant to or not.
    • They misunderstood something you said or did.
    • Something got lost in translation, emotionally or otherwise.
    • Someone influenced how they saw you, fairly or not.

    But in all cases, their pain is still real. And you can’t brain your way into a matter of the heart

    I used to think that my intent should carry more weight. That if I meant well, I couldn’t possibly be the villain in someone’s story. But that’s not how harm works. That’s not how people work.

    When someone is in pain, your job is to stop talking and start listening. Because until their pain is acknowledged, they will not — cannot — hear you.

    Impact is the measure. Not intent.

    leading with curiosity,

    don’t define yourself by my worst moment. But do let it teach you .
    hope others can learn from it, too.

    When someone says you’ve caused harm

    Get curious.
    Ask questions.
    Open your heart.
    Because even if you disagree, even if you feel falsely accused, even if you don’t understand — that curiosity might save everything

    We can’t always fix what’s broken. But we can stop breaking more.
    We can show up differently next time.
    And if we’re lucky, we’ll be given a second chance.

    But sometimes, you only get one.

  • We Forgot How to Be Real

    I’m not trying to be mean. I’m not here to hurt anybody’s feelings. But somebody’s gotta say it — a lot of us aren’t real anymore. Not really.

    We’ve become slogans. Talking points. Hashtags. We’ve wrapped ourselves so tightly in the cloth of ideology that we’ve forgotten how to be people. Not activists, not archetypes, not “representations” — people. I’m not talking about politics here, not really. I’m talking about the erosion of soul in favor of a curated identity.

    I meet someone and instead of Bob or Susan, I’m introduced to a checklist. “I’m a queer, trans, Black, anti-capitalist feminist.” Or “I’m a proud white libertarian Christian.” And that’s it. That’s the intro, the middle, and the end. No room for contradiction, for complexity, for curiosity. Just one long sentence with a period stamped on the end like a warning sign: Do Not Question.

    And when you do try to ask something deeper? You get canned answers, like you triggered the wrong part of a flowchart. Not “let me think about that.” Not “I’m not sure.” Just a regurgitated article, a preloaded defense, or worse — silence followed by distance.

    Where did we go?

    Where’s the part of us that used to hunger for connection and not just agreement? When did winning the conversation become more important than being in it?

    We have brought identity politics into everything we do, and while yes, identity matters — we forgot that people are more than their politics. More than their trauma. More than their aesthetics. And when we make identity the only lens, we stop listening. We stop seeing. We stop being curious. It’s like we’re all standing on podiums yelling bullet points at each other instead of sitting down and learning how to live with one another.

    And I get it. The world is terrifying and messy. Simplicity feels safe. Certainty feels like safety. But what we’re calling safety is just a padded cell of groupthink. No questions allowed. No nuance allowed. No discomfort allowed. No realness allowed.

    Some of us are so out of touch with ourselves that we can’t even ask ourselves questions. That’s the saddest part. If you can’t turn inward and say, “Do I still believe this?” or “What am I afraid of?” or even just “What do I need today?” — you’re not free. You’re not awake. You’re following a script and pretending it’s a personality.

    And we’re losing everything because of it.

    We lost love — because love requires vulnerability and contradiction.
    We lost spirituality — because that requires surrender and wonder, not certainty.
    We lost homes — because everything is politicized, even our doorways.
    We lost family — because nuance died, and with it, compassion.
    We lost community — because listening was replaced with sorting: “You’re in. You’re out.”
    We lost self — because if you are only what you believe, what happens when your beliefs shift?

    And we are still losing more.

    We’ve mistaken performance for purpose we see it with faceless accounts online. We’ve mistaken being right for being real. And in doing so, we’ve made ourselves emotionally, socially, spiritually homeless.

    And yes — the media feeds this. The internet thrives on digestible characters and simplified stories. It encourages this flattening. It wants you to say, “I read the first paragraph, I know all I need to know.” It wants you to scroll, not sit. Swipe, not see.

    But we don’t have to keep playing the game.

    You can step back. You can stop reading your identity like a resume. You can stop policing every word for alignment with your brand. You can be messy. You can be wrong. You can be real. You can say, “I don’t know.” You can say, “That hurts.” You can say, “I changed.” You can be more than the talking points.

    Because if we don’t reclaim our humanness, we are going to lose everything that makes life worth living. The joy. The mystery. The awkwardness. The tension. The moments where you look someone in the eyes and realize, Oh. You’re a whole world.

    So this is your invitation — to be a whole world again.

    Not a headline.
    Not a hashtag.
    Not a symbol.

    Just you. Messy, contradictory, curious, breathing you.

    Let’s bring that back. Before it’s too late.

  • Sometimes Leaders Make It Worse

    the ones meant to protect—end up causing even more damage.

    So let’s talk about it.

    Let’s talk about the fact that, in a lot of cases, it’s not random community members who are fumbling the ball—it’s the leaders. And when they fumble, it’s not a dropped ball. It’s people’s lives.

    We’ve all heard it before: “Listen to the victim.”
    Sounds good. Feels right. But what happens when the people we’re supposed to turn to were never trained to hold those stories? What happens when leadership is built on logistics, not care? When someone can throw a good party, but can’t hold space for someone’s pain?

    most leaders didn’t sign up to be therapists, mediators, or emergency responders. They signed up to run events. To teach classes. To build spaces. And over time, the community starts expecting them to do more , make decisions, take sides.

    But many of them aren’t ready. when someone unprepared tries to carry something that heavy, people get crushed underneath.

    Right now, we’ve got “leaders” who don’t listen. Who jump to conclusions before even sitting down with the people involved.

    Who ban folks from learning or growing. Who confuse neutrality with silence, and silence with safety. Who perform justice publicly, not to repair, but to prove something—to their peers, their audiences, or their egos.

    Some of it’s ignorance. Some of it’s pressure. Some of it is absolutely intentional.

    Being an event host doesn’t make you qualified to handle trauma.
    It means you had the time and energy to plan something. That’s it. That’s not a credential. That’s not a qualification.

    But because people don’t know where else to go, they go to the ones with the mic or the clipboard. And when those people aren’t trained or supported, they end up hurting the very people they claim to care about.

    Worse—some leaders are scared.
    Scared of being sued. Scared of losing clout. Scared of losing access to their favorite violators. And so they scramble. They cover their asses. They ignore the problem or slap a band-aid on a bullet wound.

    I’ve seen leaders spread misinformation.
    I’ve seen them silence people.
    I’ve seen them protect abusers, ostracize victims, escalate situations, and weaponize their influence like a damn sword.

    They say they care, but what they really care about is control.

    They call it safety.
    But it’s safety for them, not for the people who are hurting.

    Let’s be real. Not all leaders are built the same.

    Some want the title. Some want the power.
    But some actually want to be of service—and they’ve done the work.

    leaders ask questions. They pause.
    They know that gossip is not truth.
    They understand that harm and healing are complex.
    They’re not scared to admit when they’re wrong.
    They make space—for the victim, for the context, for the process.

    They don’t just punish.
    They repair.
    They educate.
    They act with care, not spectacle.

    They don’t need to blast everything on the internet to prove they’re “doing something.” They do the work in quiet ways, and the community feels the difference. In those spaces, people aren’t walking on eggshells. They’re walking toward something better.

    Not Everyone Is Built like that

    that’s okay. Not everyone should be mediating conflicts.
    This isn’t about forcing people into roles they’re not built for.
    But if you’re not built for it—say that. Be honest.

    Don’t pretend you’ve got it covered while secretly ducking behind a wall of favoritism, silence, or shame.

    Most leaders are volunteers.
    And a lot of y’all are trying your best with no support and no backup. I get that.

    But that means we need to stop pretending that all leaders are qualified.
    We need to stop handing our deepest wounds to people just because they made a event.

    Questions to Sit With

    If you’re in leadership right now, ask yourself:

    • Who do you actually trust to hold your truth?
    • If someone disclosed harm to you tomorrow, would you know what to do?
    • Have you trained for that?
    • Do you have support for that?
    • Are you willing to hold that weight, or are you just hoping it never lands on your lap?

    And for the rest of us:

    • Are we vetting our leaders like we vet our play partners?
    • Are we asking the right questions?
    • Are we just assuming safety, or are we building it?

    This isn’t about blame. This is about maturity. About integrity.
    About knowing when to lead—and when to step aside.

    If this made you uncomfortable, that’s good. Sit with it. That discomfort might be the door to something

    Let’s stop letting fear dictate our leadership.

    Let’s stop mistaking silence for neutrality, and spectacle for justice.

    Let’s stop acting like harm is something we can ignore, manage, or gossip our way around.

    And let’s start asking the harder questions.