Opposition is a category of man’s mind, not in itself an element of reality.
‘
It’s called the Tao
it’s also known as The Resolution of Opposites in Alchemy
Category: Uncategorized
-
The Three Steps to Effective Conversation
1.Lead with presence.
2.Come from curiosity and care.
3.Focus on what matters.
The First Foundation: Presence
Effective communication requires presence.
•Given the complexity of communication, transformation occurs most readily through small shifts sustained over time.
•Presence lays the ground for connection.
•Lead with presence; begin conversation with awareness, return to and strive to maintain that awareness, and be honest with oneself about what’s happening.
•The more aware we are, the more choice we have.
•Leading with presence includes mutuality, seeing the other person as an autonomous individual, and uncertainty, acknowledging and accepting the unknown, both of which create new possibilities in dialogue.
The Second Foundation: Intention
Intention determines direction.
•Our intentions, views, and experiences reinforce each other: views determine intentions, intentions shape experiences, and experiences confirm our views. Shifting our view therefore can change our intentions and our experience.
•Being aware of our habitual conflict styles allows us to transform the underlying beliefs and emotions that hold them in place and to make different choices.
•The less blame and criticism, the easier it is for others to hear us.
•Everything we do, we do to meet a need.
•People are more likely to listen when they feel heard. To build understanding, reflect before you respond.
The Third Foundation: Attention
Attention shapes experience.
•The more we are able to differentiate between our strategies and needs, the more clarity and choice we have.
•The more we understand one another, the easier it is to find solutions that work for everyone. Therefore, establish as much mutual understanding as possible before problem solving.
•Being aware of our emotions supports our ability to choose consciously how we participate in a conversation.
•The more we take responsibility for our feelings, connecting them to our own needs rather than to others’ actions, the easier it is for others to hear us.
•The more we hear others’ feelings as a reflection of their needs, the easier it is to understand them without hearing blame, needing to agree, or feeling responsible for their emotions.
•Having empathy for ourselves increases our capacity to listen to others, whether or not they have the space to listen to us.
•Stating clearly what happened, without judgment or evaluation, makes it easier for someone to hear us and to work toward a solution.
•Translating judgments into observations, feelings, and needs can yield valuable information about what is and isn’t working and provide clues for how to move forward.
•When giving feedback, be specific about what is and isn’t working and why, which makes it easier to learn.
•The clearer we are about what we want and why, the more creative we can be about how to make it happen.
•Have ideas for strategies that meet as many needs as possible, which invites others to look for creative solutions.
•Stating how a conversation can contribute to both of us helps create buy-in and willingness.
•Whenever possible, check if the other person feels understood before moving on to a new topic or shifting the center of attention to your own experience.
•We have more clarity and power when we use fewer words with more sincerity. Speaking in short, succinct chunks makes it easier for others to understand us.
•Attending to our own reactivity, noticing the rise of activation and supporting the calm of deactivation, can help us make wiser choices about what to say and when.
•When in conflict, if we aim to listen to the other person first it increases the chances that they will be willing to listen to us.
-
Unlearning the Lies We Were Never Given
your soul is starving. Grind Culture, Hustle Culture, Rise and Grind, Productivity.
The frenzy is not natural. It is a disease. A soul-rot. A forgetting.
This world is designed to keep you moving too fast to notice
you’re suffering. Too numb to feel.
Too distracted to rememberBut the truth is: Because if we stop… we might actually hear our soul screaming. and we’ve gotten used to it.
That ache beneath the surface? what you’re feeling is not weakness.
We stay busy to avoid facing what’s underneath.
Grief. Trauma. Longing. Loneliness.They’re signals. clawing its way back to the surface.
We’ve lost the practices that once held us through pain, transition, and transformation.
And it’s showing up as burnout, emotional numbness, and a constant sense that something is missing.
There is a part of you that still remembers.
It wants to be seen, held, healed.
now it’s time to come back into rhythm.
With yourself. With community. With spirit.
Not someday. Not when your “better.”
Now. -
Words That Land: Say It With Your Chest and Your Spirit @DiorTheGoddess
Requests for Dialogue
•“Would you be willing to take some time to have a conversation with me about [topic]?”
•“Could we sit down together and look at what we both need to see if we can find a way to work this out?”
Offering Empathy
•“Let me see if I’m understanding. What I’m getting is…?”
•“I want to make sure I’m getting it. It sounds like…?”
•“Here’s what I’m hearing…Is that right?”
Eliciting Information
•“Tell me more.”
•“Anything else you’d like me to understand about this?”
Requests for Empathy
•“What would be most helpful for me is just to be heard. Would you be willing to listen for a bit and tell me what you’re hearing?”
•“I just said a lot and I’m not sure it all came out the way I was intending. Could you tell me what you got from all that?”
•“What I just said is really important to me. Would you be willing to tell me what you’re getting?”
Inserting a Pause
•“I’d like a moment to gather my thoughts.”
•“I’m not sure. Let me think about that.”
•“This sounds important. I’d like to give it some time.”
•“I’d like some time to take that in. Can we pause here for a moment?”
Taking a Break: To Pause a Conversation
•“I’d really like to continue our conversation, and I’m not in the best frame of mind to do that right now. Can we take a break and come back to this…?”
•“I’d really like to hear what you have to say, and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, so I don’t think I’ll be able to listen well. Could we take a break and continue tomorrow?”
•“I’m committed to figuring this out together and don’t quite have the space to think clearly now. Can we put this on hold until…?”
•“I want to finish our conversation, and I don’t think anything else I say right now will be useful. Could we take a break until…”
•“I’d really like to hear what you have to say, but the way you’re saying it is making that very difficult. I wonder if you’d be willing to…
…try explaining what’s happening for you in a different way?”
…take a break until we’ve both had a chance to reflect on this?”
…let me have a moment to tell you what’s going on for me?”
Interrupting
•“Let me make sure I’m still with you…”
•“I want to make sure I’m getting everything you said. Can we pause for a moment so I can make sure I’m following it all?”
•“I want to hear the rest of what you’re saying, and I’m starting to lose track. Can I summarize what I’m hearing so far?”
•“I want you to continue, but I’m a bit confused. May I ask a question?”
•“I want to keep listening, and there’s something I want to clarify. May I respond for a moment?”
Redirecting
•“I’m glad you mention that. Before we go there, I’d like to say one or two more things about…”
•“I appreciate you bringing that up. I want to discuss that in a minute, but first I’d like to touch on…”
•“Yes, that’s important. Can we finish talking about this first, and come back to that in a moment?”
Hearing No
•“I’m curious to know, why not? Could you share more?”
•“What’s leading you to say no? Do you have other ideas?”
•“Can we take some time to brainstorm ideas that could work for both of us?”
•“What would you need to know, or what could I do, to make it possible for you to say yes?”
Saying No
•“I’d like to say yes, and here’s what’s getting in the way of that right now.”
•“I’m hearing how important this is to you, and I’m not seeing how I can make it work given that I also have a need for…Could we explore some other options that might work for you?”
•“I can’t agree to that without a significant cost to myself in terms of…[other needs]. Would it work for you if we tried…instead?”
Requests for Do-Overs
•“That didn’t come out quite right. Can I try that again?”
•“I feel like we got off to the wrong start. Could we start over?”
•“I’m concerned some of the things I said aren’t helping. Would you be willing to let me try again?”
•“Things didn’t really go the way I was hoping when we talked. Could we try having the conversation again?
-
Stop Apologizing: The Undoing of Oppression @TheCheshireKink
–Excerpt from Getting Past the Pain Between Us: Healing and Reconciliation Without Compromise and Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg and
Compliments and apologies operate in a system of oppression;
that rewards are as harmful as punishment, that killing is the easy way out. Such statements are typically uttered as expressions of life-alienating communication…Notice, how, they reveal little of what’s going on in the speaker; it establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment. Judgments—both positive and negative—are life-alienating communication.
For example, if we find ourselves reacting reproachfully to something we did (“Look, you just messed up again!”), we can quickly stop and ask ourselves, “What unmet need of mine is being expressed through this moralistic judgment?”
The process of fully connecting with the unmet needs and the feelings that are generated when we have been less than perfect. It is an experience of regret, but regret that helps us learn from what we have done without blaming or hating ourselves. We see how our behavior ran counter to our own needs and values, and we open ourselves to feelings that arise out of that awareness.
When our consciousness is focused on what we need, we are naturally stimulated toward creative possibilities for how to get that need met. In contrast, the moralistic judgments we use when blaming ourselves tend to obscure such possibilities and to perpetuate a state of self-punishment.
The second overall step in the healing process is “mourning.”
In the role of the brother, after the empathy, I mourned. Here’s what that sounded like:
“Sister, when I see how my actions have contributed to your pain, I feel very sad. It didn’t meet my need to nurture and support you in a way I really would’ve liked.”
The main thing here is that it requires that we see a big difference between mourning and apology. I see apology as a very violent act. It is violent to the person receiving it and violent to the person giving it.
And what’s even more tragic is the person receiving it usually likes it, addicted by the culture to want the person to suffer and see them hating themselves. What I find to be true is that nobody will ever apologize or want an apology if they have experienced sincere mourning instead.
Let’s look at the difference between mourning and apology more closely.Apology is based on moralistic judgment—that what I did was wrong and I should suffer for it, even hate myself for what I did.
That’s radically different than mourning, which is not based on moralistic judgments. Mourning is based on life-serving judgments.
Did I meet my own needs? No. Then what need didn’t I meet?
When we are in touch with our unmet need, we never feel shame, guilt, self-anger, or the depression that we feel when we think that what we did was wrong.
We feel sadness, deep sadness—sometimes frustration—but never depression, guilt, anger, or shame.
Those four feelings tell us we are making moralistic judgments at the moment we are feeling those feelings. Anger, depression, guilt, and shame are the product of the thinking that is at the base of violence on our planet.
And I’m glad to have those feelings, because if I’m thinking in a way that I believe supports violence on our planet, I want to as quickly as possible transform that thinking.
In our second step, then, I mourned; I didn’t apologize, I mourned.
clearly distinguishes three components in the expression of
appreciation:- the actions that have contributed to our well-being
- the particular needs of ours that have been ful lled
- the pleasureful feelings engendered by the ful llment of those needs
e sequence of these ingredients may vary; sometimes all three can be
conveyed by a smile or a simple “ank you.” However, if we want to ensure
that our appreciation has been fully received, it is valuable to develop the
eloquence to express all three components verbally. e following dialogue
illustrates how praise may be transformed into an appreciation that
embraces all three components.
Saying “thank you” in NVC: “is is what you did; this
is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met.Apology says: “I’m wrong, punish me.” save that for the bedroom fun times
Mourning says: “I see where I stepped out of alignment. I feel the ache of that. And I want to return to connection with you, and with my own values.”That’s the spell.
That’s the fucking magic.replaces guilt and punishment with shared human needs, center connection over shame, and acknowledges harm without groveling or self-erasure. Shifts the “I was bad” into “my actions didn’t meet my values or your needs”
-
What You Don’t Heal, You’ll Repeat
This is an excerpt from The Spirit of Intimacy:
Many couples in the West will break up rather than deal with certain problems. Unresolved problems do not just disappear because we walk away. They will show up under a different face in our next relationship. Every time we move on, we take the ills of past relationships with us to the next one, until we finally wake up, bring closure to the problem, and begin the healing process.
-
Quote, from Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching Making sure I dont lose this again
This describes the Tao, or the Way, as something beyond human perception and description. It is invisible, inaudible, and subtle, and these qualities prevent it from being captured by language or defined through description. The quote emphasizes that the essence of the Tao can only be understood by acknowledging these paradoxical qualities and blending them together.
“We look at it, and we do not see it, and we name it the ‘invisible’. We listen to it, and we do not hear it, and we name it the ‘Inaudible.’ We try to grasp it, and do not get hold of it, and we name it the Subtle.’ With these three qualities, it can not be made the subject of description; and hence we blend them together and obtain The One.” …bars
There is a saying in the Tao Te Ching:
“The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal name.”
Tao is the paradox.
It is what you can hold in your hand—and also what slips through your fingers.
It is what you see and cannot see, what you hear and cannot hear.
It is form and formlessness, presence and absence, action and stillness.“It Is and It Is Not”: The Paradox of Tao
Many traditions point toward this paradox. Taoism names it explicitly. But for me, much of this thinking first came alive through African Traditional Philosophy—a cosmology where spirit, form, and formless energy are always in relation. Recently, I encountered this paradox again in The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm, where he contrasts Taoist logic with Aristotelian reasoning.
Fromm describes Tao not as a static concept but as an unfolding—something to live rather than define. Where the West often seeks truth through dominance, Tao finds balance in contradiction. It says: both things can be true. And that’s the key.
Acceptance Is the Natural State—But It’s Not Passive
As one commenter, @L_D_F, said:
“Tao is everything and nothing. The most important lesson I draw from it is that acceptance is the natural state of things.”
But then they asked: How much acceptance can we actually tolerate?
That’s the question sacred kink—and intentional spiritual practice—takes seriously.Because acceptance is not passive. It is not resignation. It is not spiritual bypass. It is a full-body embrace of paradox, of shadow, of contradiction. It is action. It is presence. It is alchemy.
Sacred Kink as a Path to the Paradox
When we engage in sacred kink, especially in extended or altered states of consciousness—subspace, top space, breath states, trance states—we often experience this paradox directly. We return to the truth that contradiction is not a problem to solve. It is a condition to inhabit.
We don’t choose either/or—we become the AND.
We experience pain and pleasure, surrender and control, resistance and release, chaos and structure. We allow ourselves to seek both conflict and harmony in the same breath. That tension creates resonance. And that resonance becomes a portal to deeper knowing.
African Philosophy and the Tao: A Synergy
Taoism speaks in symbols and silence. Western thought speaks in conquest and clarity. But African cosmologies? They speak in relationship—in conscious, spiritual coexistence with the universe. They hold reality not as something to dominate or define, but something to dance with. Something alive.
This is where I feel the deepest synergy. Precolonial African philosophy and Taoist paradox both resist binary, rigid truths. They invite us into the liminal, into communion with the seen and unseen, into non-linear time and cosmic responsibility.
And this is also what sacred kink opens: a space where body and spirit can meet outside the constraints of linearity, morality, and shame.
The Way Is Not a Straight Line
So, where does that leave us?
With a Way that cannot be held, but can be lived.
With a truth that cannot be named, but can be felt.
With a path that must be walked in the dark, guided only by breath, sensation, trust, and paradox.This is the space sacred kink dares to enter. Not as entertainment. Not as escape. But as embodied metaphysics.
As the Tao says:
“When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.”
We don’t fight the paradox.
We let it tie us up—and teach us. -
Surrender as a action: Universal Causation
This speaks deeply to the heart of what we explore in a sacred practice and intentional kink. Especially in the extended states of consciousness we go through in play, we often return to the truth that acceptance is not passive but an action, a paradox. As you said, “Tao is everything and nothing.” From the standpoint of paradoxical logic, what matters isn’t the mental wrangling or the doctrine, but the lived gesture.
We embrace the all when we go into subspace, top space, altered space whether through whatever cocktail our bodies comes up with or whatever cocktail we feed ourselves we seek the conflict and the harmony, as one. The tension of the two creates resonance. We access a kind of knowing through the experience.
Where Taoism holds harmony as the balance of complementary forces, Western thought often demands dominance of one over the other, African philosophy speaks from: reality as the result of conscious, spiritual coexistence with the universe. A interconnected, communal, symbiotic relationship. This is also our aim: to manifest states of consciousness beyond linear time, to become vessels for cosmic and universal causation. I’m still formulating my thoughts, but I feel synergy between Taoist paradox and precolonial African philosophy.
-
Currently Reading The Art of Loving and The Paradox of Knowing God
“The ultimate aim of religion is not right belief, but right action.”
Hey lovers, seekers, and sacred sluts—I’ve been sitting with a passage from The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm that honestly cracked something open in me. He draws a powerful distinction between Aristotelian logic (either/or, rational, binary) and paradoxical logic, the kind we see in Eastern traditions, mystical paths, and esoteric wisdom.
Fromm writes:
“Thought can only lead us to the knowledge that it cannot give us the ultimate answer. The world of thought remains caught in the paradox. The only way in which the world can be grasped ultimately lies, not in thought, but in the act, in the experience of oneness.”
Like… what?
He’s saying that truth, love, God, reality; can’t be fully understood through thinking alone. Not through right ideas. Not through right belief. But through right action. Through lived experience. Through devotion. Through embodiment.
This hits so hard in the context of sacred kink, tantra. So many of us are seeking not just to think differently, but to live differently. To touch something real through experience. To become the love, the power, the truth we seek.
Fromm quotes Taoism and says the ultimate reality, the Divine, the One: is nameless, formless, and beyond . We can’t think our way there. We must become it.
“Thought—with all its fine distinctions—is only a more subtle horizon of ignorance, in fact the most subtle of all the deluding devices of maya.”
whats maya you say its: the power with which a god makes you believe in the illusion (what the fuck does that mean!!!)
So what are we left with?
Not belief.
Not doctrine.
But love amd lived truth like can we talk about it ?!?!?!? -
Sixteen Theorems of Magick and Sex Magick
I keep running into the same themes over and over again; in traditions across the globe. Wholeness. Death. Rebirth. Integration. They mirror each others process of physical, psychological, and spiritual work, a long process of returning to wholeness/self. anyway here are the theorems:
- All action has magickal reactions.(Magicians act with intention ) yep heard that before
- Magick is not something you do; it is something you are.(Magick is Internal state matters more than external technique.)
- Magick requires the creation, manipulation, and direction of energy. (energy is psycho-sexual-spiritual).
- Creation on the spiritual plane leads to creation on the physical plane.(EVERYTHING is birthed in the astral/spiritual before taking form)
- A ritual’s success is inversely proportional to time. (The further away it is, the less likely it manifests.) are you seeing my point make short term goals
- Let go—and let the magick work.(Release control and reinforce belief.)
- Magick is magick. (just intent and consequence.)
- Magick is both a science and an art. (Requires practice, tracking results, and refinement.)
- Magick is synergistic.(Magick is coinidence)
- Invoke the higher. Evoke the lower. (Invocation is inviting something in (YOU) choose wisely. Evocation is invinting something here (make sure its something you can send back)
- Every act of sexual union produces a magickal childe.( intent can be canceled by doubt or counter-actions.)
- The thought held at orgasm is a magickal trigger. (energy and intention matter)
- Direct the ‘potent orgasm.’ (total surrender and total focus.)
- Sex magick can be energetic, physical, or both. (Blending both is most effective.)
- There is power in the ejaculate.(sex magick gets messy urine semen or vaginal fluids perspiration
blood saliva tears to name a few). - The sexual trance opens many doors. (Trance states during sex open spiritual gateways)