My mistress was the greatest teacher I could have asked for when it came to topping. Serving her taught me the intricacies of power dynamics and the responsibilities of a top in ways nothing else could. Through service, I learned not just what to expect from a bottom, but how to anticipate their needs, read their responses, and hold space for their experiences.
I served her for years before I ever considered topping, and even then, my first experience was as a service top for one of her friends. That meant my introduction to topping came from the lens of a bottom—understanding submission, surrender, and trust before ever stepping into the role of a top. That perspective shaped me. Topping was never about wielding power for my own gratification; it was about receiving power as a gift and asking, What would you like me to do with it? How do you want to feel? What emotions are you prepared to receive?
Even after leaving my mistress, when I was asked to service top, I carried that same understanding with me—giving what is desired, not just what I want to give. Over time, I expanded my skills to include all styles of play (with a few exceptions), but I never forgot the feeling of making her proud. The weight of her commands. The way structure and discipline shaped my sense of fulfillment. The deep satisfaction of being trusted to serve.
Now, every time I top, I ask myself:
• What feelings am I drawing out?
• What emotions am I shaping?
• What fantasies am I bringing to life?
• What desires or taboos am I touching on?
Topping, for me, is deeply empathetic, but also intentional. I constantly ask, How did this make you feel? because I know what sensation I was aiming for—but did it land the way I intended?
Not everyone shares my background, so I’ve also become a corrupter of sorts—exposing people to new sensations, desires, and experiences so I can later build on them. Maybe they’ve never felt real embarrassment before—so I introduce just enough to spark curiosity, then nurture that desire. Over time, they start fantasizing about it, longing for it. And once they crave it, I have new tools to satisfy that hunger, deepen their pleasure, and push them further into their own discovery.
This is how I top. It’s never just about control—it’s about exploration, emotion, and fulfillment.
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