Lately, I’ve noticed a trend that gives me pause: people reaching out, offering to participate in erotic or sexual shoots with no prior experience, no clear expectations, no prior history and no stated boundaries. When I hear this, my first thought is “red flag.” Lack of boundaries doesn’t just make me uncomfortable it foretells fuckery in coming.
Consent isn’t just about saying “yes.” It’s awareness, mutual understanding, and the ability to communicate limits clearly. Jumping into erotic or intimate work without boundaries is risky for both the participant and the professional. Many consent incidents arise not from bad intent, but from mismatched communication, unfamiliar conflict styles, or unclear expectations.
I often find myself struggling with a question: should I step away from these people entirely, or attempt to educate them about consent, boundaries, and safer practice? On one hand, stepping back is a protective choice. On the other, education can help cultivate responsible, informed participants but it requires time, patience, and the willingness of the other person to learn and have patience.
For me, I like to see:
• see how someone interacts in community spaces, with peers, and under low-stakes conditions.
• how they discuss limits, expectations, and experience before any session.
I think it’s important to normalize setting expectations, protecting boundaries, and valuing the educational aspect of kink and erotic work. Consent isn’t just a yes or a no it’s a mindset, a practice, and a responsibility.
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