seriously this book is casting out spirits disguised as a communication manual.
Marshall Rosenberg didn’t just hand me a tool, he handed me a mirror, and a scalpel. and said get to work.
This book is not about how to “communicate better.” It’s about how to stop speaking like a colonizer. and how to stop letting the colonizer speak through you.
This was a wake up call to how much of our everyday speech is laced with violence, shame, and guilt. This book really pulled back the veil of socially acceptable manipulation and all the ways we’ve learned to control, manipulate, and people.
Most of what we call “communication” is a poorly disguised threat without even realizing it.
Judgement, blame and guilt are expressions of our own unmet needs.””survival stragtegies” we us to avoid facing fact we dont know what we need and hoping someone else can figure it out for us.
The book said “All criticism, attack, and insult vanish when we listen for feelings and needs.”
How everytime you hear the word “should” or “I have to,” you’re handing your agency to the abyss. and saying Fuck it. you’re outsourcing your power. you’re kicking your inner child on your way out the door…. again
When you been taught to that sacrifice = love, when actually… your just neglecting your needs and Wearing your pain like it’s a badge of honor.
What sucked and was heard to swallow was “Nobody makes you feel anything.” The way I interpret what someone says or does is on me. “Anger isn’t about anyone else. It’s about your unmet needs.” see that one i need a minute ….
“The difference between a request and a demand is what happens when someone says no.” Ouch. you see what i mean?
This man said : “Depression is your reward, for being good.” like wtf!!!!!!!
That we are taught to be good, be obedient, be productive, and above all be quiet your actual needs.
What the real struggle is: Don’t label. Don’t judge. Just say what’s happening, say what you feel, say what you need, and clearly, concisly, ask. Language is a spell to liberate, not to control. Guilt, shame, blame? Just masks to avoid your needs.
This book is not gentle. But it will help you grow.
Rosenberg is calling for a revolution dismantling the internalized systems of domination that keep us distant from ourselves and each other. He teaches you how to get real and get in touch with your needs. He’s asking us to speak in a language of life. A language of need. A language of choice.
And honestly? That shit slaps.
Highly recommend
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