Anyone who tells you it’s simple probably hasn’t lived through the complexity of it. The truth is, two people can live through the same exact moment and walk away with two completely different truths. And , both of them are real.
harm doesn’t care about intent. It doesn’t wait for your perspective to catch up. And the second you start defending instead of listening, you close the door to the one thing that could have saved everyone: curiosity.
we builds walls where bridges could’ve been.
That lack of curiosity escalated everything.
People’s feelings are real.
Their pain is real.
Even if it came from a misunderstanding.
Even if it came from perception.
Even if it came from something I didn’t know I did.
When someone says they’re hurt by you, you have three choices:
- Get defensive.
- Get dismissive.
- Get curious.
There are only a few possibilities when someone says you hurt them:
- You did, whether you meant to or not.
- They misunderstood something you said or did.
- Something got lost in translation, emotionally or otherwise.
- Someone influenced how they saw you, fairly or not.
But in all cases, their pain is still real. And you can’t brain your way into a matter of the heart
I used to think that my intent should carry more weight. That if I meant well, I couldn’t possibly be the villain in someone’s story. But that’s not how harm works. That’s not how people work.
When someone is in pain, your job is to stop talking and start listening. Because until their pain is acknowledged, they will not — cannot — hear you.
Impact is the measure. Not intent.
leading with curiosity,
don’t define yourself by my worst moment. But do let it teach you .
hope others can learn from it, too.
When someone says you’ve caused harm
Get curious.
Ask questions.
Open your heart.
Because even if you disagree, even if you feel falsely accused, even if you don’t understand — that curiosity might save everything
We can’t always fix what’s broken. But we can stop breaking more.
We can show up differently next time.
And if we’re lucky, we’ll be given a second chance.
But sometimes, you only get one.
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