Requests for Dialogue
•“Would you be willing to take some time to have a conversation with me about [topic]?”
•“Could we sit down together and look at what we both need to see if we can find a way to work this out?”
Offering Empathy
•“Let me see if I’m understanding. What I’m getting is…?”
•“I want to make sure I’m getting it. It sounds like…?”
•“Here’s what I’m hearing…Is that right?”
Eliciting Information
•“Tell me more.”
•“Anything else you’d like me to understand about this?”
Requests for Empathy
•“What would be most helpful for me is just to be heard. Would you be willing to listen for a bit and tell me what you’re hearing?”
•“I just said a lot and I’m not sure it all came out the way I was intending. Could you tell me what you got from all that?”
•“What I just said is really important to me. Would you be willing to tell me what you’re getting?”
Inserting a Pause
•“I’d like a moment to gather my thoughts.”
•“I’m not sure. Let me think about that.”
•“This sounds important. I’d like to give it some time.”
•“I’d like some time to take that in. Can we pause here for a moment?”
Taking a Break: To Pause a Conversation
•“I’d really like to continue our conversation, and I’m not in the best frame of mind to do that right now. Can we take a break and come back to this…?”
•“I’d really like to hear what you have to say, and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, so I don’t think I’ll be able to listen well. Could we take a break and continue tomorrow?”
•“I’m committed to figuring this out together and don’t quite have the space to think clearly now. Can we put this on hold until…?”
•“I want to finish our conversation, and I don’t think anything else I say right now will be useful. Could we take a break until…”
•“I’d really like to hear what you have to say, but the way you’re saying it is making that very difficult. I wonder if you’d be willing to…
…try explaining what’s happening for you in a different way?”
…take a break until we’ve both had a chance to reflect on this?”
…let me have a moment to tell you what’s going on for me?”
Interrupting
•“Let me make sure I’m still with you…”
•“I want to make sure I’m getting everything you said. Can we pause for a moment so I can make sure I’m following it all?”
•“I want to hear the rest of what you’re saying, and I’m starting to lose track. Can I summarize what I’m hearing so far?”
•“I want you to continue, but I’m a bit confused. May I ask a question?”
•“I want to keep listening, and there’s something I want to clarify. May I respond for a moment?”
Redirecting
•“I’m glad you mention that. Before we go there, I’d like to say one or two more things about…”
•“I appreciate you bringing that up. I want to discuss that in a minute, but first I’d like to touch on…”
•“Yes, that’s important. Can we finish talking about this first, and come back to that in a moment?”
Hearing No
•“I’m curious to know, why not? Could you share more?”
•“What’s leading you to say no? Do you have other ideas?”
•“Can we take some time to brainstorm ideas that could work for both of us?”
•“What would you need to know, or what could I do, to make it possible for you to say yes?”
Saying No
•“I’d like to say yes, and here’s what’s getting in the way of that right now.”
•“I’m hearing how important this is to you, and I’m not seeing how I can make it work given that I also have a need for…Could we explore some other options that might work for you?”
•“I can’t agree to that without a significant cost to myself in terms of…[other needs]. Would it work for you if we tried…instead?”
Requests for Do-Overs
•“That didn’t come out quite right. Can I try that again?”
•“I feel like we got off to the wrong start. Could we start over?”
•“I’m concerned some of the things I said aren’t helping. Would you be willing to let me try again?”
•“Things didn’t really go the way I was hoping when we talked. Could we try having the conversation again?
Leave a Reply