“We are not kink dispensers.”

– A wise Domme at a munch

That line has stayed with me. It speaks directly to the quiet but persistent expectation—especially for Black practitioners, femmes, and community educators—that our labor should be free. That we should always give, always educate, always serve, with little offered in return but a thank-you and maybe a photo tag.

But this is labor. This is soul work. This is performance, planning, intention, and spiritual maintenance. If we don’t create boundaries around how our energy is exchanged, we burn out. We disappear.